Willing to Fail Miserably

Way back in my first post on this blog, I said this was going to be my chronicle of hitting 40 and being willing to try out new stuff even if I fail at them.  I think the first thing I can say I failed at was blogging.  Since my last post was almost 2 months ago, I'm thinking this maybe wasn't the best idea I've ever had.  No regrets on my end for it but I'm also thinking that this chronicle of my life will be just a tad incomplete.

Just to give you an idea of what I have done, here's a little update.  When the whole mid-life crisis thing hit, I decided I didn't want to be fat and lazy when I was 40.  I lost about 30 pounds so I'm much less fat.  However, I am still lazy.  Eating the right foods and the right amount of those foods still requires effort but a lot less than before.  I do need to spend a week or so giving what I eat the effort it needs to make sure I'm not gaining weight.  But, the lazy is my focus.

Fighting my inertia has been a long time coming.  There are lots of reasons for that but right now, it's time to put that aside and just get up and do stuff.  There's a plan in place, there are motivational techniques employed and there's a boatload of work to be done.  I'm going to take it one day at a time and not be down on myself on those days I don't quite make it.

Anyway, I can't really say I'm going to come back here very much.  I have a certain level of willpower for things and I'm afraid this is pretty far down on the list.  Maybe when being active is more effortless, I'll be back to tell you what I'm up to on a regular basis.  Until then, new posts are going to be few and far between.  Kinda like now but with the acknowledgement that this just isn't happening in any regular way.

If I figure anything out, you'll be the first to know.

Humorous Miscellany

Well, folks, it's been an interesting couple weeks.  After the past few serious posts, I think it's time to mix it up a bit and go for light and fluffy.  Sit back, relax and prepare to giggle or wonder why in God's name you're friends with me and reading this.

First up, a Thanksgiving story about just how that turkey you're eating came to be.  My favorite part of it is the "...person helps get him ready to make his contribution..."  One can only imagine what exactly that means.

Of course, after reading that, I was reminded of the best convenience store movie ever made, Clerks.  You should thank me for doing the search to find that clip.  Some weird stuff came up before I found the right combination of words.  (clerks movie counselor for those of you keeping score)

Finally, something I wish I had known years ago.  I really wish I had this as ammunition for the disagreements with lovely wife.  I knew there was a reason I never got what she asked for!

Now you know some of the stuff I read online and a little more about my sense of humor.  Aren't you glad?

Penn State Part II - Looking for Advice

I had to re-read my last post to remember what I had already said.  I'm not going to rehash anything; by now, you all know what's been alleged.  I still haven't read the grand jury report, I don't think I'd make it 2 pages.  I have, however, followed a thought I alluded to in my last post and I do have a question about all this.

The thought I alluded to and one of the reasons I feel so sick about all this is that I can't help but feel I am connected to all this in some way.  I went to school there.  I fed the football frenzy.  I won't say I helped create the "football is king" environment in Happy Valley but I certainly went along with it.  How does anyone associated with it not feel that way, at least a little bit?  I've been told I take responsibility for things that I don't have to.  I get the feeling this is one of those times.  I just can't help but think that all those people, all that money, all that pride, everything, just helped feed the environment that allowed this to happen.  Whether I like it or not, I was a willing participant in that environment.

Now for the advice.  I've been reading about the situation online in various places.  I've even been reading some of the comments after some of the stories.  Aside from the obvious trolls and the comments from people that don't know how to make a complete sentence, a few of them have me wondering.  I wonder what people think of the current students, of the alumni, of how the situation is being handled by everyone associated with PSU but not involved in scandal.  My blog, I get to go first.

The kids that rioted when Paterno was fired were wrong.  Flat out wrong and they deserve the criticism they get.  I hope that most of them will understand that in the not too distant future.  I think the signs at the game over the weekend supporting Paterno were wrong too.  Not sure if the middle aged alumni I saw holding some of them will ever understand that.  I'm not for erasing his name from the history books but let's not get carried away here.  Whatever he's done in the past or since 2002 when he was told about Sandusky pales in comparison with sitting back and not doing anything about it.

Now for what people are trying to do that's good.  I've never been one for candlelight vigils and I think those are more for show than anything else but I appreciate the fact that there were more people at the vigil last Friday than there were rioting the Wednesday before.  I'd also like to say that I have donated to RAINN under the campaign started by some PSU alums to do some good out of this.  They are up to $385,000+ in about a week towards a goal of $500,000.  If you can help, please do.  I signed up for their emails too and the last one said that the money so far would help over 8,000 people get help.    They also said they've had a flood of calls both on the victim side and the volunteer side since this started.

I'd like to think all this means that, overall, we're trying to do the right thing.  We're trying to do what we can to help and we're trying to show ourselves and the world that the actions of a few don't define the many.  Some of the comments I read online make me ask what else I'm supposed to do.  There are calls to shut down the University (mostly from people that refer to PA as Pennsyltucky and think we're all related), there are calls to shut down the football program.  I will admit the thought of sending back my diploma crossed my mind several dozen times.  (I decided to reserve that as judgement on the official response by the University.)  What do you all think?  What is the appropriate response?

Penn State

If we can't protect our kids, we as a society are pathetic. - Matt Millen  PSU DT 1976-1979

I'm a Penn State grad.  I was proud of that fact until last Saturday.  Here's why.  I'm sorry, but I'm not going to summarize what that link is going to tell you.  I don't think I can type out those words.  Not because of any pride I feel for Penn State but because the alleged crimes are so heinous, so horrible that I just can't do it.  Maybe someday.  Maybe.

I am feeling...so many things right now that one or two words just can't cover it.  I don't know if the words actually exist.  I can't fathom being associated with these horrible, disgusting, evil deeds.  But here I sit.  Feeling sick about all of it.

Bear with me for a minute.  I'm a bit emotional, if you couldn't tell already.  Growing up, I didn't have very many friends and I felt alone most of the time.  High school was just ridiculous in all the teenage angst ways which I, as teenagers are wont to do, blew up into all kinds of high drama in my own mind.  By the time I reached college, I had very little self confidence or self esteem.  My sophomore year, I met a bunch of people. They started me down the road to acceptance.  Acceptance of myself, acceptance of others, acceptance of life.  I met those people at Penn State.  I have so much to be thankful for because of those people.  It is because of them that Penn State holds a very special place in my heart.

And now this.  And I don't know what to think.  Every good memory, every good thought, every good time.  They all feel like they've been ripped from me.  College really had been the best time of my life and now it's gone.

Which brings me to the real point of this post.  Every word that you just read, with the exception of the quote from Matt Millen, means absolutely nothing in light of what has happened.  NOTHING.  I can't allow myself to feel betrayed or hurt or any number of things.  Who cares how I feel about the school, my time there or anything else when there are kids, CHILDREN, that have been treated like this?

I know, I know.  Everything so far is alleged.  I don't care.  You don't mess with kids.  You just DON'T DO IT.  That's all there is to it.  There is no other choice.  We ARE pathetic if we don't protect our kids.  No one, NO ONE protected those kids.  Not a single person.  How do we let that happen?  There is nothing anyone can say to me, EVER, that will make me understand.

And so, I'm left dazed, confused, hurt, saddened and without words for my feelings or ways to deal with them.  My feelings may fade over time.  Maybe I'll even be able to tell people I went to Penn State without averting their gaze.  That won't change the hatred I feel right now towards the university for what has happened.  Because, make no mistake, while there are people behind every decision, the university is responsible for creating the environment in which those decisions were made.  And if that environment fostered those decisions, shame on all of us that call ourselves Penn Staters.

Mini Rant

Last night, I sat down to pay the bills.  Since we've been with our current mortgage servicer, I've paid that one online on their website.  They sent us a coupon book at the beginning of the year but in September, they started sending us monthly statements instead.  On that first statement, it said that they heard our feedback and started sending out the statements.  Well, I didn't give them that feedback but I didn't care as long as I could pay the bill online.  In another part of the bill it said something about being able to assess fees on things now too.  Again, not really caring about it, I pay my bill on time no problem.

I'm sure you can see where this is going.  Log into the website last night and all of a sudden, there's a $2 fee for paying your bill online.  WTF?  I pay my bill in a way that SAVES them time and money and now I have to PAY for them to send out statements every month that I DIDN'T EVEN WANT.

I sent them a nice note using their feedback form online.  Ok, nice may not be the right word.  Went off on is more like it.  At the end of that rant, I realized that I didn't tell them what I wanted out of this so I told them to get rid of the stupid fee, don't send me anymore statements and let me pay the dang bill online for free again.

I haven't heard back yet.

By the way, their automatic debit of my checking account would be free if I wanted to set that up.  Not sure how that's any different than me telling it to take the money every month but I'm just a stupid homeowner here.

Right after that, I wrote out a check and mailed them their dang payment.  They want to charge me for making their lives easier, I'm going to make their lives as costly as possible.

As problems go, I realize this one is about as important as a hang nail.  I do kind of look at this as a symptom of a larger problem though.  That problem is the one of every company, everywhere looking to screw their customers at every opportunity.  Putting every last cent of possible profit above anything else, including common sense.  This problem really is everywhere but the audacity of it is way more obvious when it comes to any company dealing with money (yes, I'm looking at you banks!).

Anyway, I have no solutions to offer, no advice to give, nothing of any real use to contribute.  I do know that next month, I'll be setting up the FREE online bill pay through our credit union to pay this bill from now on.  I only wish the CU would have to mail them a check too.  Oh well.

Another Lazy Update

All I can say about this past week is that I FEEL like I did pretty well.  I guess I need to start writing down what I do that makes me think I'm not being lazy so I can remember it for these posts.

I know I did a few things.  Hitting the stationary bike and doing my other exercises continued apace.  Friday night, I really, really, really didn't want to get on the bike but I did it anyway.  A few nights, I did the core muscle exercises at 10:30 or later.  But, I'm still doing them.

As for stuff around the house, I did get down to the basement to start on cleaning that up.  I spent a couple nights down there and made some visible progress.  This week is going to be concentrating on the garage.  We need to clean out a spot for our entertainment center.

Why are we moving that to the garage you ask?  Well, last weekend our next door neighbor gave us a 32" LCD TV.  He works for a hotel chain and one of "his" hotels is being upgraded.  The hotel gets all new 37" TVs and they sold the old ones off for a song.  He bought at least 5 for his family and he gave us another one that he bought.  Naturally, it doesn't fit in our entertainment center so we bought a new one.  We're pretty sure we're going to have to give the old one away since it's old enough that it was built for a tube TV, not a flat panel.

Next Sunday, I'll be coming to you live from Atlanta.  I'm going on a business trip and I leave the house about 9:30 or so Sunday morning.  My focus for that week is going to be eating right and getting in exercise as much as I can.  I may end up getting to know the stairwells in the hotel very well, if nothing else.

I really need to come up with a much more interesting format for these posts too.  Any and all suggestions are welcome.

Friday Night Miscellany

There's a blog post in me but I'm not feeling it right now so you get a couple things that worked their way into my mind today.

First off, happy 7 billion (give or take) to the Earth!  Want to find out where you fit in?  Go for it here.  (HT:  Brad Delong.)  I'm number 3,832,713,927 baby!

Has anyone else noticed the sudden increase in people posting/sharing silly pics on Facebook lately?  It seems like most of my "Top Stories" (what a joke that usually is) are people sharing lolcats.  Either people are really bored or Facebook is losing its luster and people are resorting to the easy post.  Between that and the music links, there isn't much of anything actually going on there anymore.

We're getting snow here tomorrow.  It should be interesting.  The first snow is coming early this year.  Let's hope it's not an omen of what's to come.  Be safe and have fun everyone.